Johnny Depp is a Vampire!!!!

Johnny Depp Vampire Celebrity Gossip News Parody

One time Hollywood super hunk and People magazines “Sexiest Man Alive” Johnny Depp has been accused of many thing’s in his sporadic career including spousal abuse, drug abuse and poor acting, but the latest accusations are grave indeed. Our trusted sources have informed that Mr. Depp has fallen prey to the allure of eternal life, super human strength & everlasting beauty by the most reviled creatures of the night… VAMPIRES!!!!

Johnny Depp Vampire Bloodsucker Angelina Jolie

Johnny Depp sucking Angelina Jolies blood for fun??? DIRTY BLOODSUCKER!!!!

The public and tabloids are out for blood recently as Depp was accused of battering his long dead and under age wife “Amber Heard” ( R.I.P ) with a plastic phone. Heard was awarded 25 bones and an old green tattoo as hush money for the altercation. All of this has driven the fragile actor over the edge of darkness and into the waiting arms of evil.

Some say “Johnny Depp” is in “Johnny Deep” with Satan, or that Depp sought out the ancient vampire virus after his ex wife “Amber” infected him with H.I.V., but Johnnies penchant for dark, shady behavior stems back as far as his collection of ancient vampire tattoos! Below we have assembled a list of Johnny Depp’s most suspicious Hollywood vampire habits that coincide with this spooky theory…

He drinks “Red Wine”, is it Blood????
“Vampire Gang” Tattoos cataloged extensively by LAPD
Devil Mustache
Ancient Beads / Medalions
He met Freddy Krueger

The most recent development is that Mr. Depp has joined parody rock band “Hollywood Vampires” as guitarist adding more fuel to the rumor that he is dating Angelina Jolie, drinking too much demon branded urine and using night time tour stops to rock out and lure prey…. Beware!!!! Hide your kids! Hide your wife!

Johnny Depp Vampire Tattoo

Johnny Depp’s Official Top-Secret Vampire Tattoos, Cataloged by LAPD.

For Just Pennies A Day, You Can Help Rid The World Of Johnny Depp & Vampire AIDS! Imagine Your Children Growing Up In A World Without D.E.P.P. Or A.I.D.S.!!!!

*** consists of celebrity & entertainment news parodies. None of these stories hold any merit and we wish no ill will on any of our subjects. If you weren’t fantastic at what you do we wouldn’t be writing about you.***