Former pop star Christina Aguilera has hit a new low, vowing to make you a “famous” singer in a haggard new infomercial!
In a blatant attempt to capitalize on her recent reality show appearances and compensate for the fact that she hasn’t had a charting song in ten years, X-tina has begun offering her services on television via a “canned ham” infomercial promising young gullible teens a shot at stardom for the low, low price of only ninety bones!
But that’s not all, you also get…
A rough year for Christina; the public got to witness the aging singer disintegrate while feuding with her “The Voice” co-hosts and endanger the lives of her children for publicity while driving. Mrs. Aguilera has been on a downward spiral since her record label abandoned her and her first marriage ended in 2009. The “Bionic” singer was luckily thrown a life raft by NBC execs at the behest of her ex-husband Jordan Bratman only to spit in the face of the network and more popular co-hosts with disrespectful tones and comical diva behavior.
And if you order in the next ten minutes you will also receive…
The new set of long form commercials produced by “Fly by Night” Media promises to impregnate you with Christina’s “Signature Stomach Growl” and teach you Aguilera’s trademark vocal and stage moves including:
- Standing with your back to the crowd and peeking over your shoulder to hide your widening frame.
- Using a red microphone like “Taylor Swift” did three years ago.
The coaching package also includes an app that allows you to donate money to stop the abuse of Christina Aguilera’s two poor children. So Fab!
The nigerian creator of the scam had this to say about Aguilera’s involvement:
“She moves like Jagger, but jiggles like jelly.”
“Christina eat like Godzilla.”
“Aguilera make you sing long time… make you feel real good. Sucky, Sucky!”